My Oh Zone

Following the recent, welcome news that the hole in the Ozone has shrunk slightly, I have some sad news for the science community.  The shrinkage is going to be shortlived guys and girls, because I am producing enough noxious gas to rip it wide open again.  I was warned pre-op that things could get a bit windy, but really!  There have been a few occasions over recent days when it has got a bit bloody ridiculous.

The problem is, that the stoma bag is attached to my skin by a sticky pad and of course it is sealed against leaks from the fluid and the more solid outputs from my ruminative efforts.  The bag has a small charcoal filter that allows the gaseous emission out discreetly, but unfortunately my guffy expulsions are just it seems, to voluminous for the system to cope with at the moment.  So on a couple of occasions, I have had to contend with the challenge of having the equivalent of a small holiday inflatable lilo attached to my stomach whilst I move around or attempt to sleep.  I have released the build-up of gas on one occasion, but had to promise not to do it again after it was pointed out that I was at risk of setting off all the carbon monoxide gas detectors in the the village.

I hope this is just a phase and me and my bag will settle down to a more regular and gentle output over coming weeks.  If is doesn’t, I could always build a new career offering my services to holidaymakers up and down the Somerset Coast breathing life in to their inflatables.

Andrew Williams

50 year old, living with his colon and bowel cancer and all that that entails. Quietly sweary, family man living in Somerset, UK.

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