I took this image last weekend as part of a challenge set via a group I am part of on Facebook. I chose the hat and sleepy pose because it summed up how I have felt over the past few weeks. Mostly tired and cold, so lots of sleeping and wearing of a wooly hat to keep warm.
Yesterday was my final planned chemotherapy treatment. After 12 doses I have reached the end of what has been an interesting ride. The early stages were a breeze and I was lulled in to thinking that it was all going to be a bit of a jolly jape. But as is the way with these things, it came back at me and bit me hard on the left arse cheek and it has been nibbling away ever since. I have written about the experience in earlier posts and how I know that I have fared better than many who have undergone the same treatment. But of course when it is affecting you, it can at times feel as though the end of the world is nigh. And so it was this week when I got a bit weepy, first with my oncologist and then when I was sat in the chemo unit (managed to hide this though) and finally sat at home with Sam last night. No particular reason why, it just sort of seeped out of me.
After a rather rough night, I am now back in to the usual state of cold and mild nausea. This will gradually reduce over the coming ten days until I start to feel like a human again. I have a date for my CT scan, so we can check that everything is okay and then a final meet with my oncologist to hopefully give me the green flag to get on with life. A different life, but still a whole lot better than it could have been.
I was asked this week if I would be interested in participating in a clinical trial for a treatment that hopefully will lead to a treatment that will reduce the recurrence of cancers in those people that have been treated for early stage bowel, breast, prostate, stomach or oesophagus cancers. The trial involves taking an Aspirin once a day for five years, although a proportion of the participants will take a placebo. My first reaction was that I can’t be trusted to take a pill everyday for five years as I will forget. Second, I thought that if Aspirin does have a beneficial effect, then I want to take the drug not a placebo. I don’t want to get to the end of the five years and find out I have swallowed a dummy pill each day whilst others have benefitted from the real thing (selfish, I know). After some careful consideration though, I do think I have a responsibility to participate, after all that has been invested in me over the past seven months. It the trial can prove that a simple Aspirin is of benefit in cancer treatments, then I would be happy to play a small part in proving it.
Let’s finish on a positive note. I am hopefully back in to work next week with a new client sourced over the past few days. So that will make me feel a whole lot better, once I have settled in and got back to being busy. The downside will be returning to hotel life, Monday to Friday and missing homelife. But that is the price you have to pay to earn a crust sometimes.
Onward and upward friends.